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So, this is Birthday 42. I'm getting out of my own way

So, this is Birthday 42. I'm getting out of my own way

6 minute read

birthday mom thinking happy thoughts

Sitting down to write this in the octagon of 4 kids screaming, running and playing around the house and it feels very appropriate.  Me screaming in their general direction - what's in your mouth?  Don't kick your sister!  Hey mommy needs 5 minutes of quiet and then you can all have popcorn (yes I bribe my kids so sue me)... and it's all good. This is me, take it or leave it.  My kids are nuts, we have a crazy life and this is me carving out time and space to be crazy passionate about my little shop and how much amazing shit I want to get done with it this year and beyond!

Birthday vibes

birthday partyI've never been a crazy birthday person, well maybe for my 16th birthday when I made my Dad rent out a hall for my party and had all the things - yes I was that annoying teenager!  Mostly once I hit adulthood I pretty much didn't mind too much if I got to have a nice dinner and time with Bill or a girls nite etc.  But this year I felt a bit different.  Hitting 42 - kinda kicks you right in the fupa!  Like holy balls I am almost 45 - What the actual farts am I gonna do with this thing called life....

Make time for me

Kids sleeping thru the night - check!  Almost (most of the time) everyone is potty trained - check!  Have taught them to make toast and eggos so we can sleep in - check!  Husband totally capable of watching said children for extended periods of time so I can leave and not worry about the house falling down - check!  So, here we go people, me time is on the list of shit to get done in 2021.  I am starting with a hair cut, color and getting take out all weekend so I can chill.  It's the little things right?  I feel like if my hair is done, I will want to take better care of it, maybe or maybe not at least I get to talk to an adult for 3 hours while I sit in the chair!  BUT - moving forward I WILL make time for me.  I will schedule stuff just for me.  I am worthy.

What we carry

Yes, I have a side part and skinny jeans (well skinny leggings because who TF wears jeans now a days!) and my playlist includes some crazy songs that I used to sing in high school that probably should have been censored for my young ears - hello Barbie Girl?!?  But you know what, ok not sure where I am going with this other to say that I am old enough to know that what you thought in your 20's about your goals and dreams is almost 100% not what it is going to look like at 40 - you plan while God laughs, that's the saying right? 

Be focused lady friend, make your vision boards, do all the things, just remember that life is not linear... you will get fired, you will lose a loved one, you will go through trauma, but you will get stronger and feel more powerful and bring more to the table as you go through these things then you will ever truly know until you are there. 

When you least expect it - change will take you to through hell and you will emerge more affirmed in your own skin then ever before.  Pressure, like how the tectonic plates move over the earth, brings immense change and like a volcano you change and grow and all of a sudden you live on don't give a fuck island and you take all the things that weighed you down and throw them Sheera style into the ocean and get moving on to what is important to you - and you don't look back. 

This is something I wish I knew 20 years ago.  Not to cower.  Not to dim my light.  So many men in my life have told me to be less then, less bossy, quieter in meetings, pass your proposal thru me before you send it out to the customer, don't worry we don't need you in this meeting just keep doing your thing.  I knew very early on in my professional life that I was too much for most, so I learned to drill down on the things I was great at, and to temper the pushy broad that wanted it all.  I wish 42 year old me could tell 24 year old me that this was a bullshit way of operating, to stand up to the asshole boss who told you to wear nicer dresses and smile more instead of crying and saying I'll do better. 

Girl, you are not meant to be for everyone, you are not Rocky Road ice cream - you cannot make everyone happy!  Own your lane, bring the heat, kick some ass, and don't apologize.  Also don't try to make your emails sound nice, say what you are gonna say and move on - it's not personal it's business - own that shit.

Future Me

Woah, ok that was a lot - guess I have some unresolved feelings about my past bosses... all good things!

So - where does this birthday blog all come together to mean something - like oh yeah it's my birthday and I'm gonna have a great year - there is always that mini resolution statement most people make about your next year... what will you do, who will you be, where will you go. 

beach birthday party prairiewildsSo here goes - this year I will be my authentic self.  The loud, bossy, taco eating, wine drinking, laughing until I cry human being with stretch marks and scars.  I will teach my children that their authentic selves are worthy and valid and pure and good.  And I will help you.  I will help you become your authentic self too, there are lots of seats at this table.  We can all be the person who makes mindful choices and then throws in pizza and beer or a sneaky Target run.  I will help you feel good in your skin - let's purge our closets of the things that don't fit anymore (both mentally and physically) because we are all deserving of self care and love and happiness and to live our true selves, in whatever mystical and magical and real way that might be.  So let's do this thing!  Let's create and grow and LIVE life to the fullest this year, because the time is ticking and you only have one clock with your name on it...

Stay sassy my friends



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